In my ongoing effort to focus on being happy, I pushing out thoughts that are "downers". I am trying not to think about how tired I am, how weird a couple of patients were, how Medicare will implement a 21% cut in Medicare payments to physicians tomorrow and how stupid Colorado Public Radio's fundraising drive is (in fact how stupid the whole idea of public radio is). I am not thinking of those things.
What I am thinking about, is I am at home, being comfortable, with my dogs lying next to me as I write this relining in my most comfortable memory foam topped bed. I am thinking about how glad I was to have mom back at work today, how lucky I am to have found Tyler as my assistant, how delightful it is to come home and find that Chris and Quinn have replaced my ugly mulch with beautiful river rock and how blessed I am to know A., a patient that manages to stay perky and happy despite her awful chronic illness.
I think it is good to list the things you are thankful for and I do that sometimes. But listing the things you are happy about is much harder. The strangely dark and icky things of life can over-shadow the simple pleasures. As one who tends to consume the negative bits of life, seeking the light is a great effort.
When all things are going well, like a day off without pain where I get to do anything I want and eat food created by someone else, I am a happy person. Perky, funny, light-hearted and serene. On dark days, I am perky, funny, light-hearted and putting on an act. Inside I am screaming.
So I am replacing the primal scream with primal laughter. I seek the good, the silly, the generous, the surprises. I will be happy. I will, I will, I will!.
What makes you happy????
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