Happy New Year's Eve

A New Year is about to begin.  I find the counting down very exciting.  Even though I never stay awake to midnight.  Since I don't, I am amazed at awakening in a whole new year.  2011.  We made it through the first decade of the new year. 

When I have patients who lived during the first couple of decades of the 1900's, I always look at them with amazement.  How does one capture the experience of living when work was hard and the rewards were simple?  What do they think of the past 80-90 years?  I love their stories.  While I wouldn't have liked using an outhouse, I would have liked being free of cell phones and computers. I imagine decisions were simpler with fewer options available.

Assuming I live till 80, what will I be doing on 12.31.2045?  What will have changed during those 35 years?  How will I compare that to my childhood in the 1960's?  Will things become simpler or more difficult?

Not to get maudlin, it's just that these concepts bring out the curiosity in me.  The possibilities still seem endless. 

Have you prepared your resolutions.  I used to make lots of resolutions.  I would work on them vigorously and tick them off my list.  More recently, I create just a few general ones.  Most of them come from my theme for the coming year.

2010's themes were "Fearlessness" and "Hope".   I felt really hopeless last January. I found hope in moving my office and home,, decorating, planning and experiencing the new.  My interests grew and I have something to look forward to, thanks be to God.  I am Fearless, because since becoming a widow, I feel intrepid.  I have a "don't mess with me attitude".  My themes worked will for me.  God guided me. 

Tomorrow, I will share my theme(S) and resolutions.  In the meantime, have a fantastic eve of the new year!

Christmas is here

Merry Christmas Eve everyone!
Are you doing last minute shopping, wrapping, preparing?  Or are you preparing your heart to receive the infant Jesus?  I often get so preoccupied with the former I forget to do the latter.  I am happily off today, so I should have plenty of time to pray.  As it is, I slept in, am still in my pjs, have been leisurely browsing the web, and am aghast at the things that still need wrapping. 

I am starting with a sinus infection so I need to go to the pharmacy.  That will require getting dressed.  Such a decision.  I wish I was one of those people who could just pop out of bed and get dressed and ready for their day.  But I am sluggish and slow and seem to have to think about it for a long time. 

Tonight Chris, my parents and I will be going to Mass at 5pm and then out to dinner at North, an Italian restaurant.  I am really looking forward to that.  A pleasant leisurely time with family.  Andrew is still in Las Vegas with Sabrina and her family.  Hope he has a wonderful and special time.  My sons are such fine young men and their presence makes everything special.  We will be excited to have Andrew home on Sunday. 

Tomorrow will be quiet.  I hope to start a new book, so a little bit of paper craft, watch some Christmas movies, and just relax.  My ideal day. 

I bought a spiral sliced ham from Target.  It's supposed to be like Honey Baked Hams.  Who New you had to bake it yourself and add the glaze.  Oh well, for #13 what do you expect.  I will do that today.

Whatever your plans are for today and tomorrow, I pray they are special, filled with love and a sense of humor.  Delight in the baby Jesus and like his Mother Mary, "ponder all these things in your heart". 

That Christmas Feeling

Well, only one week to go till Christmas.  This year I have a few extra shopping days because Andrew is spending Christmas with his gorgeous girlfriend Sabrina and her family.  Christmas Eve they will also be celebrating Sabrina's graduation from UNLV, which I was fortunate to attend last week.
Andrew will come home for a week on December 26 and we will celebrate on the 29th, since that is my day off.

I am truly excited about this for two reasons. The first is that, while I do love celebrating Christmas, and presents and the meals, I feel it detracts from the true meaning of this most holy day.  I would like to just celebrate Christmas as the day Jesus was born.  I like to reflect on what that means for myself and the world.  So this year I will have the chance to do that. 

On Christmas Eve my parents, Chris and I will go to Mass followed by supper at North, and Italian restaurant.  And the rest of the evening and following day will be fairly quiet.  For those who know me you understand how much I love quiet.  That will be a gift in it self.

Our exchange of presents will take place on the 29th, as I said.  Instead of preparing a grand feast, we plan to order in pizza from Aurelio's, the best pizza in Denver.  It will be a low key affair.  If I could gather the family and get them to agree, I would hold the gift exchange on the feast of the Epiphany, but that is probably a stretch. 

The second reason I am excited about our late Christmas celebration is that I can do my shopping after Christmas.  I anticipate getting some real deals.  I love saving money.  Don't get me wrong, I do have most of the important items purchased.  I mostly shop online.  I have to for the weird things the boys want, like Rugby and Powerlifting paraphernalia. 

Avoiding the Christas shopping rush will contribute to decreasing my stress during the holidays. I always find it so hectic to shop and wrap everything on time.  I have already finished my Christmas cards and sent the packages that go to out of town friends.  I plan on relaxing this week and having fun with Chris who just got home today.  Tonight we are going to watch Mixed Nuts with Steve Martin.  If you haven't seen it you must.  It's a kooky take on a group of misfits at Christmas.  Hilarious.  It's an annual must, just like Christmas Vacation. 

I hope your week before Christmas is calm and wonderful and the you allow yourself to focus on the true meaning of the holiday.

Getting Ready for Thanksgiving

I am not a big fan of Thanksgiving.  I large meal followed by a lot of clean-up.  I neither like to cook nor like to do dishes.  I prize myself on not having used my oven or my range since I moved in 2 months ago. 

But this year I am looking forward to it.  Chris arrived home Saturday and Andrew and Sabrina are coming in tonight.  My cooking responsibilities are minimal.  Pies and stuffing from a box (the only kind Andrew will eat).  Oh, and I have the Pillsbury crescent rolls at the ready.  I pick up the Turkey from Boston Market today, along with some festive cupcakes from Gigi's for the non-pie eaters.  I have a little bit of cleaning to do.  The yard guys are putting on the finishing touches on the mulch they are laying.  A few tentative snowflakes are falling. 

Tomorrow we will celebrate all of us being together.  6 people, a family reunion. And we will give Thanks to God.

The Second Anniversary

Saturday November 20 was the second anniversary of Tom's resurrection to heaven.  Anniversary's are an unusual time.  Hard to know how exactly to handle it.  Last year the boys and I took a brief trip.  It was wonderful and healing.  I toyed around with the idea of a trip this year too, but veternarian bills for the pugs stole my vacation money.  So I knew we would be staying home.  Chris came home because he has the whole week off for Thanksgiving. 

I couldn't decide whether to spend the day away nearby by myelf, or just treat it like an ordinary day.  I chose to see what I felt like that morning.  The 19th is harder in some ways because that is the day of the accident and the night we spent in the ICU.  But I worked Friday and had a long lovely day with patients and the day drifted by without too many memories. 

Saturday I had the luxury of sleeping in.  So by the time I got up and did my usual slow morning routine, I decided I was up for an ordinary day.  Ordinary days in marriage are what make a marriage wonderful.  Spending time together with no real agenda.  Going to the store, gathering the makings of meals together is a lovely thing.  Getting your husband to carrying in your groceries, even better.  So off to the grocery store I went.  It wasn't busy and I just milled around the aisles.  Very enjoyable.  I returned home to find Chris had arrived and he helped me with the groceries.  We both decided to relax before going out to dinner, and be both fell asleep for a while.  We woke refrreshed and went off to dine at Undici's, since my lovely realtor Jan Melody gave me a gift card to it.  We had a delicious meal with excellent service, toasted Tom and caught up on the happenings of our lives, college, work, the new home. 

The funniest thing happened when we were ready to leave, our waiter seemed to want to shake hands, so I offered mine and he bent down and kissed me softly on the cheek.  I quickly knew it was a kiss and a touch from Tom.  He blessed my day and enjoyed the ordinariness of it.  Since the worst thing about widowhood is the lack of meaningful touch and sweet kisses, I will treasure that gentle act.

I am doing so well after two years.  Sad at times, angry even less, I now have settled into holding precious images of Tom through the years, especially his talent of making me laugh.  It was a joy to know him.  A gift I will always have. 

I'm back

Hello to all my friends.  Never would I have thought that moving and getting settled would be so arduous and prolonged.  Here's why.  I did it alone.  I was working full time.  All the other times I moved, I had at least a few weeks off or wasn't working at all.  And Tom was around to help. 

But now I feel like I am at home and loving my new place.  Her are a few pictures from my moving experience.

The boxes are all unpacked, the guestroom is newly painted and most light fixtures have been replaced. 

Here's a tip - NEVER use College Hunks Hauling Junk and Moving.  What an overpriced nightmare.  In the past I have used All My Sons Movers and should have this time.  I chose College Hunks because I had a lot of furniture I wasn't taking with me and wanted to give it to Goodwill.  College Hunks said they would take my unwanted things to Goodwill and then move my stuff to my new house 2 miles away.

First, they didn't send hunks nor college students.  Even though the young men were nice, they were college drop outs and had about as much muscle as me. It took them 12 HOURS.  Secondly, the truck is too small.  It is about the size of medium size step van.  I lost count of the trips they made.  Third, these two weaklings carried one box out to the truck and then into my house one at a time.  I don't think they knew how use a dolly.  Finally, half of my wood furniture is scratched or chipped.  One end table will have to be replaced.  And they brought in my beds and didn't even set them up.  So at 10pm I had to put my own bed together just so I could sleep.  I have written to the company to complain and ask for a partial refund.  They were just a disaster.

But that's over and I am completely happy.  I have gotten rid of so much stuff and that is a very freeing experience.  Now everything has its place and it's fairly easy to keep things tidy, which I am fussy about.  The dogs love the yard and spend hours outside snooping around.  I believe Rascal is convinced she will find that cat who lived here previously.  I am having lots of fun.  And it's so quiet.  Till the boys come home this week.  More on that later.

I am a home owner!

It's official - I am now a home owner.  I closed on my house today. I signed my life away, it seems and agreed to pay for the next 30 years.  What a concept.

I am very excited and eager to move.  I will begin to move things this weekend.  Chris is coming to help.  Yeah Chris!!!!!.  Furniture is being delivered Sunday and the dog door is installed Monday.  Then once we have a place to sit, the movers will come on Tuesday morning.  It will be interesting to see what the pups think of the change.  At least I don't have carpeting anymore in case they get confused and decide to pee on the floor instead of making the effort to search for the dog door.  There had been a cat living at the house so it will be fun to watch Rascal spend the rest of her life searching for that cat.  Rascal LOVES cats. I think the dogs will love the bigger back yard.  Not that the pugs fetch anything ever, it will be fun to try to get them to run around a bit. 

The lovely plantings the former owners have in the backyard have been fairly well neglected since the sale and since I have no green thumb, they will have to go.  Till I can get to it though, Rascal will feel like she is in Jungle heaven. 

All the things I have been putting off for so long, like replacing my 20 year old TV and new furniture will come to fruition.  I am upgrading to blu ray disc and the machine has the option of playing Vudu, which is kind of like netflix but all digital and instead of membership, you only pay for what you watch.
I can't wait to get in the house and start measuring.  I love being organized so I am eager to see what kind of fun things I get for the kitchen drawers and closets.  Without a basement I will have to be creative, (though there is storage in the garage).

I am going to paint the front door a light turquoise and get new outdoor lighting.  I have already picked out some lovely fixtures. 

Change is good.  I have always enjoyed change.  The fun part is putting my own touch on this home.  I will be updating you with pictures.

Have a beautiful day.

How's that meditation going?

Well, so far I believe I have meditated one minute.  It's not that I struggle with it so much as I don't make time for it.  And the reason I don't make time for it is because I am afraid of what I might hear God say.  I have no bad experience of meditation.  God has never told me anything scary.  In fact, mostly what I recieve from God is comfort.  But comfort for me is not something I get used to easily.  I am so much harder on myself than God is.  Yet I spend so much more time with my little computer of a brain going over and over the most ridiculous things, like plans and fears and past regrets. 

I have really been spending a lot of time in the past these days.  Ruminating over past hurts.  Were I to spend more time meditating, God would heal all those hurts.  So what am I afraid of?

I don't honestly know.  Except that the few minutes I have spend in God's amazing presence are so powerful and intense, that I get overwhelmed.  Sometimes I just have to spend days living that experience and talking it over with God before I can have another meditative session.  Often, I spend months absorbing the experience.  I spend my days as if a waterfall is slowly pouring over me, washing the concepts of comfort, forgiveness, healing, grace.....in me and through me.

You would think I would get saturated with all God's goodness and live it out in my daily life. Yet time and time again I fail and fall back in to my old worrying routine.  So I spend another minute meditating and the cycle starts all over again.

I would like to meditate more regularly so don't have these big lapses.  So I could be immersed in God's gifts.  But I am afraid of what I might hear, and what I might be called to.  I am not ready to relinquish the life I know for the life that could be.

So I meditate, one minute at a time.

Happy Labor Day

I hope your holiday was happy and that you actually had a three day weekend.  For those who toiled today, I hope it wasn't too bad. And if it was awful, I wish you peace.

I always wanted work that was fulfilling and was fun.  You know that saying that says something to the effect of work that brings joy not being work at all?  I do not have that kind of work.  I do not like my work in fact.  I often think that I mis-heard God when I thought he said, come be a doctor.  I think I should have been a computer engineer or something that doesn't involve talking to people.  That part of the job is exhausting for this introvert.  It just sucks the energy right out of me. 

The practice I have now is not how I pictured it would be 30 years ago.  Patients have changed, they seem to be more demanding.  It's not as financially successful as I had hoped. And it is very, very tiring.  My days are stressful in that each day is usually booked pretty full, but I know there will still be add ons.  I hate interruptions, and there are many. 

Don't get me wrong, most of my patients are lovely people and many are grateful.  I enjoy being able to help someone feel well or walk their journey to the end of life with them.  I am glad to be able to make a living.

I think the reason I don't like my work is that I never feel well.  If I weren't broken, dealing with pain and fatigue most of the time, I think I would like it more.  I would have more energy ( I used to), and would get excited about what each day would bring.  But being exhausted most of the time makes me less able to tolerate the stress and pressure. 

I know that what I really need to be happy at work is to accept myself for what I am.  Not try to be what I was when I had energy. Not try to be perfect as others imagine me. I need to accept scaling back, allowimits limits where they are needed.  Most days I do. 

The thing that works best for me is to take it one day at a time.  Instead I tend to anticipate future problems that may never occur.  When I am able to allow each day to flow on its own without me trying to control it, things go better.  Why is it so hard to be present to the moment then?  I guess because I am a control freak. 

So here is my pledge to take it a day at a time, live in the present.  I am going to start now.

So far so good.

I read today that meditation helps.  In Praying Naked ,essays from Anthony de Mello, SJ, meditation is proposed as a way to connect to yourself and God so that nothing else matters in the day.  That sounds good to me.

I will leave you with a little story from Taking Flight by de Mello: 

The Master was in an expansive mood, so his disciples sought to learn from him the stages he had passed through in his quest for the divine. 

"God first led me by the had," he daid, "into the Land of Action, and there I dwelt for several years.  Then He returned and led me to the Land of Sorrows; there I lived until my heart was purged of every inordinate attachment.  That is when I found myself in the Land of Love, whose burning flames consumed whatever was left in me of self.  This brought me to the Land of Silence, where the mysteries of life and death were bared before my wondering eyes."

"Was that the final stage of your quest?" they asked.

"No," the Master said.  "One day God said, "Today I shall take you to the inermost  sanctuary of the Temple, to the heart of God himself."  And I was led to the Land of Laughter."

Isn't that wonderful.  Right now I am somewhere between the Lands of Love and Silence.  I yearn to be Laughing.

The hard part of widowhood

I don't mind being a widow.  I like my quiet small life.  It makes life have a certain ease.  I guess because there are fewer decisions to make. 

I try not to let widowhood define my life.  But every time I turn around, there is a reminder - "you're a widow."  Fill out a form at a doctor's office, check off W for marital status.  Try to lift something heavy, oops, there is no one here to help you.  Sad, happy? - there is no one to share it with immediately. 

In other words, I am alone.  I am not lonely most of the time.  I am just alone.  I am one, I am all by myself. 

My experience of widowhood has revealed that no one touches you any more.  My sons are generous with hugs, my parents are kind but not demonstrative.  I appreciate the hugs from friends, I sink into them and want to stay there.  But there is rarely meaningful touch.  And I think it is because I have this persona of independence and strength.  I don't give the appearance of longing for someone's touch. 

Except for one time.  When I had my injections last week the whole  surgical team and I were laughing heartily prior to my procedure because a nurse asked me if there was any chance I was pregnant (since the procedure involved fluoroscopy.)  I told her I was post-menopausal  and to top it off a widow.  Everyone snickered as if to reply that widowhood didn't imply abstinence.  I told them I was saving myself, and they all agreed I deserved it. 

Then the procedure began and the very kind and only person to my right offered to hold my hand.  I thought how sweet.  I assumed it not to be a big deal since I would be asleep from luscious narcotics soon.  However, Dr. Sipple likes to keep his patients partially awake so he can communicate locations of the needles while he burns the nerves.  That meant that parts of the process were quite painful.  I soon realized that the fluoroscopist still had hold of my hand.  I reflexly squeezed his hand during the painful times.  And he squeezed back to comfort me.  And that small act was montumental for me.  That comfort went straight up my arm to my heart.  I was consoled.  We did the same squeezing volley about 5 more times until the ablation was over. 

I hadn't had that type of consolation in over a year and a half.  His grip was soothing and warm and like the hand of God.  It wasn't that man's job to reassure me.  He only needed to assist Dr. Sipple.  But like the rare health professional that intuits a patient's fears and apprehensions, this kind man did more than was asked of him.  It meant more to me than he will ever know.

So I am back to being alone.  On my way to a successful recovery.  Free and easy and celebrating my peace and quiet.  Pain free and optimistic again.  From time to time the memory of that gentle pressure on my hand soothes me.  Such a simple pleasure. 

 Moral of the story, enjoy every single experience of touch.  Relish those memories.

Another chapter from when it rains it pours

I am looking forward to my move in a couple of weeks. I have not progressed very far in packing, but I have gotten rid of many items.  I love this purging.  It's so freeing. 

In the meantime, I saw a new physician for my pain.  I had seen Dr. Bradley Vilims in July, and he spent my entire office visit propaganizing me about how all physicians should stop taking Medicare.  I was not only offended, but he never even examined me, and based on my old records, decided he would do the same procedure I had before.  I don't disagree with that, but upon reflection, I decided I just couldn't trust him.  I came to him as a patient, not a colleague at an insurance forum.  In my book, he's just another greedy physician looking to make big bucks. 

I have subsequently decided I won't go to any physician who doesn't take Medicare.  After all, shouldn't doctors attend to all sick patients, not just the ones who keep them affluent?

So a patient of mine said she really liked Dr. Dan Sipple.   I was able to get an appointment within 2 days.  (Keep in mind that in the time between Dr. Vilims and Dr. Sipple I was having migraines 4 days a week and daily severe pain.)  I immediately liked Dr. Sipple.  He looked me in the eye, he understood my pain, he examined me, he had a solution.  I was able to schedule my radiofrequency ablation within 2 weeks. Here is a link to Dr. Sipple http://www.advancedortho.org/physicians_sipple.html

I had my procedure this Wednesday and it went very smoothly and within 48 hours I was feeling much better.  I anticipated 3 days off work to recover. 

THEN, the day after my procedure, my dad seemed to be having trouble with his speech.  We went to the ER and discovered he had a very small thalamic stroke.  He saw the neurologist, cardiologist, physiatrist.   He saw speech, occupational and physical therapy.  In the end it was decided his best chance of recovery would be to spend a week in rehab.  So during my planned recovery period, my mom and I spent 10 hour days with him in the hospital.  He's actually doing very well.  His speech is mostly fluent, but every now and then he jumbles up his words and comes out with something very funny and unintelligible. 

I am immensely grateful that God blessed both dad and I with healing.  But really, couldn't God have scheduled these two events a week or so apart?  Would that have been so hard?  Of course, the benefits of combining these events are that I was already off of work and didn't have to cancel 2 days worth of appointments.  But I was still on call and the more narcissictic patients are often not very forgiving about my being unvailable for a short time, which often adds to my frustration.  Oh and did I mention yesterday was my mother's 80th birthday.  The party plans will be delayed about a week.  She's flexible, but still, the big 80; she deserves a fun day.

I grew up with a charmed life.  Really, nothing ever went wrong.  Then I married Tom, and everything became a little more difficult.  He was so unorganized, unfocused and free-wheeling that everything simple things took on a more chaotic aura.  Then after the boys were born I developed fibromyalgia and everything became difficult.  The migraines started a few years later.  And so on .... Chris' diabetes, Tom's death etc. 

So I was kind of hoping that my move into my very own house would be a return to my charmed life.  Maybe it will, maybe it won't, but I know through all of the ups and downs that God loves and comforts me immensely.  And that no matter what happens I will have the strength and courage to handle things.

I desire a simpler life, and in fact am working towards an uncluttered and eased lifestyle.  Perhaps the greater Simplicity of life will follow.  I do know that all the hardships have made me a better person.  Maybe I am just not finished growing yet.  We'll see.

Have a wonderful labor day weekend.

A funny thing happened while I was on vacation.

I bought a house! It's true.  I had been thinking that buying a house while prices are low and so are interest rates since June.  During my daily walks I noticed the flyers on houses for sale in my neighborhood had dropped significantly.  I started a little search with my price range and a few nearby zipcodes.  One house jumped out at me right away.  I contacted a realtor because I wanted to look at it to see if the pictures did it justice.  So two days before I left for San Diego I went to look at it.  It was even better than the pictures.  Just the right size, a ranch, a fenced backyard for the pups and less than a mile from my office.  I had planned on looking at it again after I returned home.  In the meantime the realtor sent me some comparable listings, but they all needed some significant improvement or other.  Then she sent me an email that the house had come down in price.  I looked at it again the day after I got back and made an offer.  Bingo! 

I never really planned on being a homeowner again.  I like renting very much but my current residence is more suitable for a 2 income family with kids.  I rumble around in my duplex, using only a third of the rooms.  Time to downsize. 

I will move in September but here are a few pictures with the current owners furniture.  I hope you like it. 

It's three bedrooms and 2 baths.  The living space has an open floor plan in an L-shape.  No stairs and no carpet, hurray.  It was remodeled about 8 years ago and it's in great shape. I will use one of the bedrooms for my crafts and keep one for a guest room.  It has  plenty of windows that let in lots of natural light. 

For not really expecting to find a house so soon, I am really quite excited.  It will be fun to decorate and with Chris taking quite a bit of my old furniture, I will be able to get some new more appropriate things. Most of my furniture is  still the durable boy-friendly kind.  Durable but without taste.  This time I will be able to make it a bit more feminine and put my stamp on it.

San Diego Dining

Dining in San Diego was especially fun.  Not only the meals but the wonderful treats were available within walking distance. 
Here are a few of the places where I dined.

Mimmo's is in Little Italy.  It wasn't my favorite.  I ate at two other Italian restaurants that were better.  But I picked this one at random and it was OK.

This one was my favorite Italian, Bella Luna.  I had a luscious salad with mangoes and a tangy vinaigrette, mushroom risotto and a fabulous house made lemon sorbet. 

Candelas was fantastic. The sign on the door said " New Mexican Food".  I believe it meant a new style of  Mexican food, not food from New Mexico.  At any rate, the inside is charming, the wait staff were very kind and attentive.  I had a salad of watermelon and cantaloupe with a cumin laced vinagrette and an entree of sauteed baby vegetables.  It was so delicious. 

The best restaurant by far was Cafe Chloe where I dined on my final evening.  It is a teensy tiny little French restaurant with about 12 tables and very friendly waiters.  I had frog legs to start, then steak and frites with a caramelized onion blue cheese relish.  For desert I had pistachio bread pudding with espresso sauce.  The owner, who had been working mostly behind the bar, came over and gave me a tasting of a sherry that he said would go with the bread pudding.  It was really delicious with it, kind of sweet and warm.  I thought that was a really sweet thing to do. 

My other favorite place was Heavenly Cupcakes, located a dangerous 2 blocks from my hotel. 

I went their TWICE and only wished I had found it earlier in the week.  I had the Lemon Raspberry and Coconut Lemon.  It inspired me to see if there were any cupcake shops in Denver and that's when I found

Gigi's Cupcakes.  Denverites, you must go there. (More on this later.)

A word to those who worry about dining alone.  It is a marvelous experience.  First, because since you are not deep in conversation you can really spend time savoring the food.  I always take something to read along so the wait staff gets the message that I am not looking for conversation and that I am not in a hurry. I had three courses for supper each evening, and the staff seemed to enjoy the fact that I was not calorie conscious and picky.  I lingered over my meal, people watched and left a generous tip.  I tend to eat so quickly at home a bad habit left over from residence, made worse when  the boys were small.  I am trying to correct that and my vacation helped me along.  I am trying to eat more slowly now that I am at home.  To further my cause I have decided to eat out alone at a nice restaurant once a month.  Also, my friend Barry and I eat out monthly too.  We both like good food and trying new things.

It sounds like I ate my way through San Diego, and in fact I probably did.  I haven't even mentioned the self serve ice cream at Yoga Tango, the fabulous gelato and divine chocolate caramel mocha I had at the Coronado Hotel.  My daily walks and only eating till I was full helped me not gain any weight. Since I slept in most days, I usually only had two meals a day, a schedule I would keep if I didn't work, but do employ on weekends and my day off. 

Bon Appetite! as Julia Childs would say.

Vacation pictures

Well it's been a few weeks but I finally have a chance to show you some of my pictures from my San Diego vacation.  By the way, the calmness and spirit of that vacation has stayed with me.  I am trying remember the relaxed feelings I had during the week and how I achieved it.  And I am enjoying my days off more.  I try to mimic the style of the days I had in S.D.  I normally would use the weekends and days off to catch up on things, but now I spend only a small amount of time on it.  I watch less TV and use the internet less frequently.  I put my feet up more.

This is the Andaz Hotel in the Gaslamp District.  I couldn't have picked a better location, I was right in the heart of everything and could walk to fine restaurants, fun shops, the bay and Little Italy.  Andaz is a new boutique hotel by Hyatt, which is the hotel chain I usually use.  It was the old Ivy Hotel and has been completely remodeled.  I stayed on the 3rd floor and if look at the corner pointing closest to us, I had the window to the right and the two to the left.  I think the room was about 700 sq. ft.  The other nice thing about a boutique hotel is that the staff get to know you and it gave me an extra sense of security since they would know when I came and went.  I would definitely stay there again.

This is the cool roof top pool.  On weekdays there was hardly anyone there so I felt like I had the place to myself.  To the left of the pool is a nice quite patio area where I sometimes read.  At night it was a wild and crazy nightclub.  Of course I usually went to bed at 9pm.  I had a fabulous hamburger by the pool.  Many thanks to the waiters who kept my Diet Coke all afternoon.

Whenever I go to a city I am unfamiliar with, I try to take a tour.  San Diego has a couple of options.  I took a grey line tour which took us to Olde Towne, the Bay and the Midway, the Coronado hotel and beach, through the park and then a boat tour to Point Loma.  It was a lovely morning and I got my bearings so that I could easily walk around the rest of the week.  There was also a trolley that you could get off and visit and area as long as you wanted and pick up the next trolley when it came by.  But I liked my tour because it was just in the morning, the trolley tour takes most of the day and it got quite warm by afternoon so I headed for the pool. 

The Coronado Hotel

The Edge of America, Coronado Beach

Old Towne

So tomorrow, I will fill you in on some lovely dining experiences I had.  I was fortunate in choosing interesting restaurants at random.

A Time of One's Own

Greetings from San Diego.  I am in the middle of my vacation with myself.  I am enjoying myself so much.  I would heartily endorse this kind of getaway to everyone.  I am sleeping and relaxing, eating well and exploring.  No schedule but my own.  I have maintained silence except for talking with service personnel or if someone initiated conversation with me. It is very freeing to not have to speak or try to make conversation all the time. I am more myself during this trip than I have ever been.  No acting or putting on smiles.  I am exploring my art and getting ideas.  I am reading and praying. 

I could easily be a hermit, something I thought I could be but never confirmed. This is a joyful life.  I have pictures but they will have to wait till I get back.  Until then I urge you to spend some time each day in silence. It is such a pleasure.

Here is the cover of my soon to be San Diego travel journal.   The idea came from the August issue of Scrapbooks Etc. magazine.  There are even wonderful journal cards to download at www.scrapbooksetc.com/362.

I plan to use several of them.  I made mine a little smaller than 5x7 in. so that it will be easy to carry.  I used to bring all my memorabilia home and then hope to scrap it. (I have boxes of stuff). I hope doing it this way, in the moment, I will journal during the trip and take pictures, then right when I get home, print the pix and put them right in the book.  I have about 10 two sided pages and room for photos so far.  I can't decide how many pages to include - I figure 2 sides for each day.  I will get binding placed before I go.  I can always add embellishments when I get home. I will show you  the completed project when I get back in mid-July.  As for this week, I still have packing to do etc.

Hope you had a day off and that you did as you pleased with it.

Happy Independence Day

What says summer and July 4th more than a white picket fence and a welcoming red door. OK, maybe fireworks and potato salad, but in my neighbor hood, these sights say it all to me.

We will be spending the day walking the Cherry Creek Arts Festival in the morning, BBQing supper and then going to the Rapids soccer game which will be followed by fireworks. 

A fun family day - and we still have tomorrow off to recuperate.

So I wish all of you unending blessing, freedom, joy and love. 

A shout out to Cathy

I recently learned that a high school classmate has acute mylelogenous leukemia.  So I am sending lots of prayers and love her way.  Please join me in praying for her.  You know, studies have shown that when people who pray for another person, even though they don't know that individual or anything about them, that person benefits from the prayers, whether is be a cure, strength, hope or some other blessing from God.
Cathy is a woman of grace and courage and I hear she is facing this ordeal with dignity and calm.  Nothing less that what you would expect from a Sacred Heart girl.  With St. Madeline Sophie and st. Phillippine Duchesne on your side, how can you fail!

You Are AMAZING!

Oh, Sunday night.  The night before Monday morning.  I dread Monday's.  They are busy, hectic and long. I am not a Monday person.  I am not a morning person. But instead of whining about something has happens once a week for as long I can remember, I decided to try to think positively.

So I created some little reminders of how utterly amazing I am.  This isn't just my opinion of myself.  It's God's.  God told me so.  After reflecting on my misery and talking to God about it , God told me loud and clear, "You are amazing in my sight. I made you and gave you your talents.  Your work is my work."   So I added a little whimsy on that theme.  The pieces say things like, "Spread your wings", "100% Authentic" and "Well behaved women rarely make history".  I also included some little prayers and quotes.  I personalized the middle one with a childhood photo of myself.  Instead of framing them, I put them on clip boards and hung them on the walls with those velcro removable  picture hangers.  The clip boards are nice because I can change the pictures anytime I want. 

So here's to Mondays.  I go to bed early tonight so I can wake up refreshed. I put on my happiest smile, say a prayer and embrace Monday.  And the next thing I know, it's over and it was better than I though possible.

God Bless y'all on Monday.  And remember - You are AMAZING!

My how things have changed...

I was 17 when I had my wisdom teeth pulled.  I went to the only oral surgeon in St. Charles.  Not a great guy.  Surly and abrupt, had a god complex.  After the surgery he sent me home with few instructions.  I immediately swelled up like a rabid chipmunk and my cheeks turned various colors of  blue and green.  It was miserable.  It hurt like heck and I was sick to my stomach.  The wounds kept bleeding so I had to go back to the surgeon and he repacked the wound without any analgesia and it was awful.

This week, Chris, age 19 had his impacted wisdom teeth removed.  This time we had our choice of surgeons.  Fortunately, we were lucky enough to go back to Dr. Barry Keogh, http://www.keoghoralsurg.com/.  Barry and I worked at the same hospital in St. Louis. He moved to Denver a year after we did.  He removed an odontogenic cyst from Andrew's jaw when he was 7 years old.  And later when Andrew needed braces, Barry remove a couple of teeth in his overcrowded mouth.  In my opinion Barry is the finest Oral Maxillo Facial specialist anywhere.

Anyway, nowadays, patients are given improved anesthesia and prophylactic anti-nausea medication.  Detailed instructions for reducing swelling, bleeding, and pain are given.  Chris made it through the 1st day, problem free.  He has mild swelling and moderate pain and aside from Vicodin induced drowsiness, he is healing well.  Barry called the evening of Chris' surgery just to check on him. 

My goodness, how things change.....

The other wonderful change I encountered this week has to do with vanity.  Recently I discovered a brand of cosmetics called Benefit, http://www.benefitcosmetics.com/gp/home.html.  I was in Las Vegas in May, shopping at Macy's.  I was standing in the cosmetics department looking for the purse department when a lovely young woman approached me and asked if I wanted a make-over.  I NEVER do that kind of thing. But Vanessa was very good at her trade and before long I was sitting in a chair at the Benefit counter.  Within minutes, she had tried new eye shadow and something called High Beam that brightens your face.  I loved the look and bought the eyeshadows and High Beam. 

The shadows were great and actually stayed on.  I checked out Benefit on the web and saw some other products that I thought might work for me.  I was reluctant to  buy cosmetics online but luckily, Macy's here in Denver recently added a Benefit counter.  A sweet young woman named Jessa was eager to help. 

I am a 54 year old post-menopausal woman who stilll has the oiliest skin on earth.  Within an hour of applying my make-up, my forehead is shining like lighthouse.  By the end of the day my make-up is sliding off my face.  I don't consider myself a horribly vain woman, but I do like looking professional and well groomed, instead of a greasy teenager.

So Jenna showed me some products that allegedly would control the shine.  Well, the products are amazing and really really work.  I can go through the whole day with no shine.  And my skin is smooth and soft.  It's unbelievable.  Do you have any idea how many anti-oil products I have bought since 8th grade?  Enough to take a very long vacation in the French Riviera. 

So I am now in love with Benefit.  As one who usually buys cosmetics at Target, I am a convert.  These are not pricey products.  Just a little above the drug store prices.  But you only need small amounts and the quality is great.

If you have dry skin, they probably have something for you too. 

Both events this week evolved over a 35 year period.  Change is good.

Ah Summer

Yesterday was the first day of summer, the longest day of the year, the summer equinox.  I delight in the long lightness of the day.  I was awakened at 5 am by a bird who could only carry a 4 note tune.  The light soon followed so I arose. I was full of energy and low on pain.  It seemed a very sacred day.

Yesterday was one of those days physicians relish.  It brought surprises in the way of amazing people and diagnoses. Most of primary care is filled with everyday diseases, colds, earaches, high blood pressure.  In the case of a primary care geriatrician, often my day is filled with Alzheimer's disease.  But on Monday, I had a patient with Supranuclear Palsy who was full of worry about her diagnosis.  I saw the most enchanting family who were host home providers to three young men with Down's Syndrome.  I only saw Will yesterday, a shy 52 year old man with a demure smile. His caregiver and her small children were so full of faith and the light of God it radiated the whole room.  Finally, I saw a woman with rash, who turned out to have a severe anemia.  I had to send her to the hospital for a work up and transfusions.  It may only be an iron deficiency, but it might be something more exotic.  I hope not for her sake, but it is interesting to think of the possibilities in my differential diagnosis.  Diseases I haven't thought about since medical school.

What a curious and blessed day.  I was self-satisfied and the patients were grateful.  But that is only a temporary good feeling.  Knowing that the day was ordained by God, as all days are, though I often fail to notice, filled my heart.  Some days I am just more aware of God's presence that others, and a day like yesterday reminds me to tune in a little better, even when it isn't the longest day of the year.

Enjoy the sunrises and sunsets these next few weeks.  It gives, " I am the light of the world" a new meaning.

Best Book of the Year

Hello friends and Happy Father's Day to all Dads out there, including men who nurture us in compassion,

I just finished the best and most powerful book of the year. It is called Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion by Gregory Boyle, SJ. With humor and profound sadness, but always with love Boyle tells stories of gang members he encounters at Delores Mission and Homeboy Industries, http://www.homeboy-industries.org/index.php,.  Do check out their website and youtube.com for videos about the company and Fr. Boyle. 

The world of gangs is something I am so far removed from I wasn't even aware there was anyone working with them.  But rather than just another social service program, Boyle is moved by the Gospel and God's unconditional love for ALL.  That means those who come to get help and those who remain in gangs.  His solidarity with the gangs, just hanging with them, being a presence in these young men and women's lives is compassion lived.  Between very funny stories of young people given jobs, there are the tragic and heartbreaking stories of the lives lost and the funerals officiates.  Boyle's message of compassion, hope, redemption, and kinship will bring you to your knees.

BUY this book, and give it to all your friends.

Be cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy June Birthdays

Hello Friends,

Happy Birthday to everyone with a June Birthday.  And here is a little present for you all.    It's my birthday, too, and I have had a wonderful day so far.  I took Rascal for a walk this morning and was lucky to have my camera along.  I snapped these lovely flowers in my neighborhood.  Having no green thumb myself, I enjoy the neighbors flowers. Aren't these amazing? 

My family took me to lunch today at the White Chocolate Grill.  I love that place.

My older son Andrew called from Vegas and later I received another call from his girlfriend, a young woman who warms my heart so much.  I received cards from Vicky and Carolyn (very funny, ladies!) and from Mary Ann and her family.  Cindie sent me a wonderful gift. I expect 54 with be a great year.

Here is a poem called For your Birthday that my friend John sent me last year.  I keep it on my desk and look at it often.

Blessed be the mind that dreamed the day

The blueprint of your life

Would begin to glow on earth,

Illuminating all the faces and voices

That would arrive to invite

Your soul to growth.

Praised be your father and mother,

Who loved you before you were,

And trusted to call you here

With no idea who you would be.

Blessed be those who have loved you

Into becoming who you were meant to be,

Blessed be those who have crossed your life

With dark gifts of hurt and loss

That have helped to school you mind in the art of disappointment.

When desolation surrounded you,

Blessed be those you looked for you

And found you, their kind hands

Urgent to open a blue window

In the gray wall formed around you.

Blessed be the gifts you never notice,

Your health, eyes to behold the world,

Thoughts to countenance the unknown,

Memory to harvest vanished days,

Your heart to feel the world's waves,

Your breath to breathe the nourishment

Of distance made intimate by earth.

On this echoing-day of your birth,

May you open the gift of solitude

In order to receive your soul;

Enter the generosity of silence

To hear your hidden heart;

Know the serenity of stillness

To be enfolded anew

By the miracle of your being.

I don't recall the author but it has the word Thresholds  on the page which I think is the title of the chapter. It is as meaningful today as it was a year ago. (Thank you John)

Isn't it beautiful?

Blessed be all you you born this day, in June or any month of the year.

Good Morning Friends

A great good morning to you all.  I am in great spirits because I have to day off.  I love the slow pace of my days off.  I start with walking the dogs. Then tidy up a bit because I love a clean uncluttered house.  Today's challenge was dog hair.  Lala sheds so much she ought to be bald!

I made another card for the Art and Healing project.  It's really a fun thing to do, because even though I don't know the recipient, it stimulates me to be extra inventive in making a really fun and consoling card. Here it is:

The tags says "journey" and the pull out card says "in dreams we get a glimpse of lives larger than our own".  I think that says a great deal about healing.  I used a Martha Stewart punch for the scalloped border.  I left the inside blank.

I am working (slowly) on a bigger project, a piece of wall art collage for my office.  I idea is taking shape but because it will be 24x32" it's a bit of work.  I haven't done anything that large before.  I am used to working small. If you have any ideas let me know.

What comes to mind when you think, "art and healing"?

My Happy Journal

Front Cover and details

Following yesterday's theme on acknowedging our happiness, this is the cover I made for my Happy Journal.  This is where I record things I find to be happy about.  I also ask myself questions like, "What is it I need in life?" I look forward to writing in it each day.

The fun things I added include crystal embellishments for the necklace and a mini lock charm to make it look like a girl's diary. 

Have a Happy Day!