Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Simple

I have been spending a bit of time reading about minimalism and simplicity.  It started years ago when I discovered the minimalist movement in design.  The clean lines, lack of clutter and utter simplicity in home design.  I loved it immediately even though it was not something I could embrace wholely for my own home.  I like the occasional beautiful thing on my wall or table.  But I did get rid of meaningless knick knacks and stuff.  I started keeping only items of beauty and meaning.  My home has artful pieces and gifts that express me. 

This summer I discovered several really great blogs that speak to minimalism.  These folks take simplicity in living to the extreme.  They rarely consume, have rid their homes of stuff, enjoy what they have, are grateful, forgiving and happy.  I took the opportunity during my time off this summer to begin to embrace this concept more wholeheartedly.  I cleaned out every drawer, closet, room.  I got rid of many bags of non-necessities.  I organized my craft room so that it is functional and streamlined.  And I vow to keep it organized and clean.  My table tops have fewer things on them, but the items present are ones I love.  If I don't love it, it goes.  And I don't bring in anything I don't love. 

The Minimalists, Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus have taken it to the extreme, in that Joshua has pared down his belongings to 123 items.  I don't have that as a goal, but I do like the idea of knowing what you possess and appreciating whether you need it in your life.  Perhaps it is a gender thing, but I love color and art too much to live such a spare and sparse life.  But these guys have unplugged, under-consumed, un-desired and unattached themselves so that they really enjoy their freedom and living. 

I like the idea of simplicity because it was what Jesus preached.  I always struggled with the rich young man that Jesus asked to give up his things.  I couldn't understand how Jesus could ask the apostles to go out preaching without extra sandals or money.  And I still struggle with that kind of absolute trust.

The past 30 years I have experienced a paring down of my life.  Like the layers of an onion being peeled away, till I discover my soul.  I have sought simplicity and humility in my work.  I have sought truth in my introvertness by eliminating engagements that exhaust me.  I have learned to live with pain by pacing myself so that I don't overdo it.  I had my spouse taken away so that my contentment can only come from within.  My children have grown and moved away so that I can't rely on them for fulfillment and satisfaction.

Some paring down is painful.  Some of it is joyful as I discover my true self.  It is an interesting process.  I don't know where it is leading other than to hopefully live more fully the gospel life. 

Thank you God for opening my eyes to a simpler life.

Monday, July 30, 2012

I quit my job.

June 12 will go down in history for me.  It is the day I quit my job.  I loved my patients and nurses but the structure, leadership, volume and hours were ridiculous.  I didn't intend to quit, but my superior pushed me to my limit and I just quit. 

I have never been happier.  I didn't know I had it in me to quit.  I didn't know I was so gutsy or courageous. 

It wasn't the best time to quit. I didn't have another job out there in the wings waiting for me.  I didn't have a lot of money saved up to get by on.  But I knew it was the right thing to do and I did it.  I was stressed out, sick, in pain and fatigued.  I was sad, frustrated and alone.

For the past six weeks I have been in heaven.  No goals.  No specific plans. No schedule.  I am living very cheaply.  In fact, I discovered many "minimalist" blogs and books and am trying to live that kind of life.  This experience will change the way I live my life from now on.  There is so much I can live without.  I love having time.  Time is worth so much more than things.  I have rest.  My body doesn't hurt as much.  I have quiet.  No people around to have to chat with.  I have my art.  I have started creating things.  I hope to create enough art to sell them on Etsy.  If not, no big deal. 

Lest, I kid myself, I do have to go back to work, soon rather than late.  And I will, because I have been offered another, hopefully saner, job.  This experience, my sabbatical, as I call it, will alter my life and my perspective forever.  I won't let a job beat me down so much in the future.  I will only work at a job I can pace myself.  I will be more peaceful.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Best Massage Therapist in Denver

I just came back from a most marvelous massage.  I normally go every two weeks, to satisfy the painful yearnings of my chronic myofacial pain.  But with summer and travel I did not get to go two weeks ago, so it has now been a month.  I want to tell you that Avi Penhollow who owns Divinity Massage is the best massage therapist I have ever been to.  Not only in Denver, but in the whole United States.  I have been to lots of therapists in Denver and many at spas while traveling, but Avi is by far the best.  He seems to have a sixth sense as to what your body needs and where you are hurting.  His touch can be very intense when working out a trigger point or very gentle around delicate areas like feet and scalp. 

Since it has been a month, and my shoulders, neck and head were screaming, he calmed all those areas down and then worked on my back which he found very tightly contracted, even though there wasn't much pain there. When he finished, I felt so much better immediately.  And I felt better all over, I could walk straighter, breathe easier, and relax my muscles. Avi has such a healing intent when he works with you.  I certainly won't let 2 weeks pass without a massage again.   It keeps me functioning.  You can find Avi at www.divinitymassage.com.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

I had such a lovely morning. I walked over to Caribou Coffee with Rascal, found a cool, shady spot to sit on their patio and ordered a large iced mocha and an apple fritter (since they were out of my most favorite treat, the french toast muffin).  I picked up a weekend Wall Street Journal and spent the next two and a half hours enjoying the quiet time to read the paper from cover to cover.  I don't know much about the financial ways of the world, but I do enjoy many of the articles in this paper.  The best sections are "Off Duty" and "Review".  Off Duty is clearly for the rich and famous, those hedge fund brokers and their trophy wives who just don't know how to spend their money.  The articles are outrageously preposterous in the material things they put on display.  I just have to wonder who thinks they need a $3200 scarf or $998 cotton blouse.  All the clothing and couture designers are featured at some point or other. I truly do not get those prices!  Even if one could aford it, why would a person waste that kind of money on clothes.  Even if it is fabulously made from the finest fabrics, how many wears are you conceivably going to get out of it.  I would likely get bored of it before it wore out.  And as far as fancy clothes go, most women I know, don't re-wear evening gowns and party dresses that often. 

I will say that I bought a fairly expensive dress made by the designer Teri Jon for Andrew and Sabrina's wedding.  My main goal in finding a dress was that it fit well.  I was willing to spend whatever it took, (within reason) to find a well fitting dress.  The second dress I tried on was IT. Those of you who know me, know I never pay retail.  But this was an exception to my rule.  I did manange to save $60 by ordering it directly from the designer instead of the retail shop.  Did it ultimately make a difference?  I have to say yes.  The fabric was just sublime.  It flowed around me like clouds.  It fit to a T, and wan't uncomfortable at all.  It seemed to make me stand up straighter, walk more erectly, and be confident. For that one day, I felt almost regal.   Do I need all my clothes to be this wonderful?  Definitely no.  I have lots of dresses I purchased on sale that make me feel wonderful and that have lasted a long time. If I could afford it would I buy more clothes from Teri Jon or other designers?  Maybe, but only on sale.   Besides, I'd constantly be worrying that I would spill something on them, which would make me enjoy them less.

Anyway, back to my Caribou morning.  I read the rest of the Review section, checking out books, movies, commentary and new ideas.  I had nowhere else to be that day and I savored every moment of my time at the coffee shop.  When I finally finished, I walked back home relaxed and ready to start working on my art room. 

I don't know why I don't treat myself to an outing like that more often.  I seem to wait until I think I deserve it for some reason.  That's another whole story, but for today, that extra special morning gave me a lovely memory to linger on.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Here I go again.

I thought this was a weed in my yard, and even though I tried to kill it, it bloomed into this sunflower. Talk about hope.

I'm back.  I have been gone a long time.  Too long.  Too busy. Too cluttered of mind.  On my walk today, I decided I would try it again. I do have things I want to say.  Issues I want to explore.  Ideas I want to try out.  I will continue to write under a pen name, so that certain individuals won't find me.  Most of what I say will be true, though I am honest in my telling it. My perspective has changed somewhat since I started the blog.  Only because I have lived through my grief and am back on the life track. So stay tune for new musings and stories.  I hope you enjoy.