Sunday, February 6, 2011

Happy February - a tech free holiday

There have been numerous articles lately about going tech free for a day, week, or more.  I had a forced tech free state for the past month.  My cable went out mid January which meant no internet and after waiting a week for a repairman appt., the kind man fixed the problem.  The very next day my computer went up in flames. Not only that, but my computer at work, as well as my monitor, and two printers all broke.  There is was relying on my blackberry for email.  It's not much use for web browsing because the screen is so small.  And forget about working on this blog.  I have an old laptop of Tom's that I got up and going but it is painfully slow so only used it for work.  I couldn't get Netflix instant movies or Vudu because I relied on WiFi which I wasn't getting when the cable went out.  Ah the angst of waiting for a movie to come in the mail.

So did I enjoy being tech free.  Not really.  Since I don't spend my life on the computer anyway, I found it a huge inconvenience.  Having technology available is a luxury to me, an easier, faster way of doing things.  A time saver when it comes to bill paying and ordering products I would normally have to go shopping for, like personal hygiene items from Amazon and drugstore.com.  I also bought the new printers, computers and monitor online.  And they appeared at my doorstep a few days after ordering them.  I rely on the invisible to get entertainment, though the magical cordless WiFi which I have no idea how it works.  And if I develop a curiosity about say, decoupaging or where salt comes from, I have an answer in minutes.

I do go tech free on vacation.  I only access the world wide web to stay in touch with my office.  Since I do not have anyone to cover for me,  I have to be accessible to my patients. Email and electronic prescribing work great.

So, sorry if you missed me the last month.  My luxuries were not available to me.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

On Meditation

Starting out the new year with a resolution to work on meditating, which hasn't been going so well, I fell upon a lovely book called, Into the Silent Land: a Guide to Christian Contemplation by Martin Laird.  I prefer the term contemplation to meditation.  I gives me something to grasp on to.  While meditation to me means moving in nothingness, contemplation describes silently living with a focus, in my case, God. 

Laird says we are built for contemplation, like a flower is meant to bloom.  It is not a spiritual technique but rather something we till, a skill of interior silence.  This requires both stillness and awareness. Awareness I have been developing for years.  This stepping back and taking in, observing rather than speaking or doing. It makes me a better diagnostician and parent, friend and daughter.

Contemplation is something I can imagine.  My image comes from the picture I have of Tom in heaven.  I see him sitting at the feet of God, resting against Jesus, experiencing full joy in the love of God, the tenderness of Jesus.  Giving and receiving pure love, nothing blocking it, like sin or ego, because there has already been forgiveness and there can be no more sin.  Tom's being existing only in the simplest creation of God, soul. 
That vision, gives me a sense that I can experience that on earth through contemplation.  I desire nothing more of contemplation, not relaxation, stress reduction, or ease of life.  Contemplation exists, for me, only for the experience of loving God and being loved.

Nearly 20 years ago I was attending a Geriatrics convention, when, one afternoon, alone in my hotel room feeling lost and lonely,  I felt a need to define my Mission.  What evolved that afternoon was " I am a daughter of God, made to receive and give love".  That statement has carried me through many a difficult time and decision.  And at my life at it's very simplest, is all I have and ask for.  So contemplation, communing with God in love is a practice I long for. 

Why is it so difficult to practice Contemplation with God?  I think because God's image is so elusive.  Last evening, after viewing the movie The Tourist I had no difficulty contemplating Johnny Depp.  Those eyes, those lips, the smile that holds back.  Perhaps it is because I rely so much on the visual that I have such a difficult time contemplating God. So hopefully Martin Laird will guide me.  However, as we all know, no author or book can guide us if we don't practice.  To fulfill my resolution I need to set a time each day to practice.  There is my challenge.


A must see.




Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Nothing More January

Happy First Week Of January,

I just read a little blurb that I think came from Southern Living (because my soul belongs in the South), called Nothing More January.  Following expensive December and the over indulgence of Christmas, can there really be anything more we need or want.  So the author advises no buying, except for necessities, in January. 

It's only 31 days, how hard can that be?  Well, I made it two days into January and bought a $20 ring.  Not so bad, but in only 5 days I can think of several things that I would like to get.  Little things I didn't get for Christmas.  But do I really need them?  I am sure I can live without them.  But I am so tempted.

But I am also tempted by the idea of starting out the new year with extra money in my savings.  When after Christmas sales prevail, it is enticing to get "a bargain". But it is also rewarding to step back and analyze if the item is really worth it.  Sometimes I make a decision by asking myself if, on my death bed, I will really be glad I bought it. 

It is also wise to separate necessity from desire.  I have often put off buying things like socks and underwear, even when mine are threadbare because I viewed them as a luxury.  I don't know where I got this bizarre notion, surely in my childhood, but it's ridiculous.  Sometimes I just have to step back and laugh. 

So here's to the challenge. 

I did think of a few more resolutions.

1.    Really part a. of # 5 from the last blog. Be on time at the office.  January 3 and I already failed that one.  I need to be on a schedule, because I helps my pain.  Early to be, early to rise.....  So since everyday is a new start, I successfully made it on time yesterday.  I just need to focus and be well rested. Which means I have almost no social life, but I am an introvert anyway, no big deal.

2.  Take up drinking.  I am seriously trying to be less of a bore.  I never drank in high school, college, or ever for that matter.  Tom called me a cheap date.  But on vacation last summer, when the owner of that French restaurant gave me a bit of dessert sherry, I realized it actually tasted good.  What an adult and luxurious thing to do.  So I am working my way up from dessert wine, to something a bit more substantial.  I bought an airplane size bottle of cognac and put about a T. in my eggnog this year and it really added flavor.  Of course I could have gotten the same effect from rum extract I suppose, but it was fun.  I am probably the only person who got 8 servings out of that airplane size bottle.  I do not like wine, unless it is very sweet. 

I had the opportunity to go to a bar with Andrew in Las Vegas.  I felt so grown up.  It was after dinner so I had a Bailey's Irish Cream on the rocks.  It was lovely just to sit there and sip that with my elder son.  It was such a relaxed setting and we could just sit and talk.  Such a rare opportunity. 

So now I am planning to by a bottle of something a month. Mostly creamy drinks.  The boys gave me a martini shaker and a book called 500 Cocktails.  So the adventure begins.  Let me know if you want to go to an early bird dinner and have a drink afterwards so I can be home by 8pm and get to bed so I can be on time for work in the morning.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Resolving

Hello on the 2nd day of January.  I am hoping the snow will start to melt today.  It was pretty but it's time for it to go. 

It's nice having the day after New Year's off.  I stayed in bed till noon reading.  That to me is the ultimate luxury.  I am reading Pictures of You by Carlokine Leavitt.  So far, I can recommend it, if you like reading about death and grieving.  I also enjoy mental health related fiction and psychological suspense.  Memoir is good, too.

Since I forgot to give you my list for the best books of 2010 (that I have read), here it is.

BEST BOOKS OF 2010



The Seventeen Second Miracle Jason F. Wright


The Saints and Sinners of Okay County Dayna Dunbar


Flowers for Elvis Julia Schuster


The One Hundred Foot Journey Richard Morais


Beautiful Maria of My Soul Oscar Hijuelos


The Madonnas of Echo Park Brando Skyhorse


Tattoos on the Heart Gregory Boyle, SJ**


Cutting for Stone Abraham Verghese


The Murderer’s Daughters Randy Susan Meyers


The Weight of Silence Heather Gudenkauf


A Reliable Wife Robert Goolrick


The Clothes on Their Backs Linda Grant


Someone Will Be With You Shortly Lisa Koogan






** must read

Actually I didn't get to read much last year.  With moving the office and my home and a bit of traveling, I didn't have much time. 

Which brings me to resolutions.  I have made a few and you can hold me accountable if you like.

I RESOLVE:

1. To Read Regularly - nothing is more off putting than not finding a good book or starting one you think is going to be good and find it isn't.  It is also difficult to start another book after finishing an especially excellent one.  And when I can't find one, I tend to waste time.  So this year, I promise to not get discouraged and to keep on track and explore books till I find the right one.  Because reading brings me joy and when I am not reading  and I piddle around I get irritable and I don't like me that way.  So far I have a good start. 

2.  Be Creative - I FINALLY have my craft room ready to go. It was the last room to get organized and at last it is.  I would like to have a bigger table, but I can make do for now.  I will still be making cards, but mostly I will be sending them to organizations who distribute them to veterans, active military and nursing homes etc.  I want to branch out into collage, and making little boxes of amusement and who knows what else.  There are tons of good ideas in the magazines Memories, Apprentice, and Cloth Paper Scissors.  I have stacks of them ready and waiting for me. 

3. Try To Be A Neighbor - I am not even hoping to be a good neighbor, but I would like to know the people who live near me.  I usually never care who I live next to. Rarely remember their names. I work so much and stay inside all the time that it hardly comes up.  But this year I am going to make an effort.  I already know my neighbors to the south (because they initiated it) and have waved to two others. 

4. Sail On An Even Keel  - My emotional range is several octaves.  It can change within minutes or hours.  The reason is partly due to the fatigue I experience with Fibromyalgia.  I can start out with a seemingly good day, pain around a 2, fair amount of energy, and it can quickly dissolve into extreme fatigue which makes me discouraged.  Nobody usually knows this because I have learned the magic of a smile.  I hate complaining. 
Other times, I feel like I am going to have miserable day and after my shower, I perk up and feel like doing something. So I am going to begin meditating and seeking serenity so my smile doesn't have to be fake some of the times. Pray for me in this endeavor.

5. Be Efficient at Work - I am really going to try to not let myself get behind at work any more.  I have wonderful Avis, my medical assistant and now that I don't have to do two jobs any more, I should be able to do one job in the amount of time allotted.  That way I won't be so exhausted, and I can function better and love my work more. Pacing oneself and keeping to a schedule are essential to anyone with Fibromyalgia, so I will have to get back to practicing what I preach.  While my internal clock is set for noon to midnight, the world's clock is set for 8 to 5.  So until I can retire, I will have to work at living the life I have been given.

Five resolutions is probably enough.  I might think of more, but they will be minor ones.  Let me know your take on resolutions.

Tomorrow, my theme for the year.

Blessings and peace for your hearts.





Saturday, January 1, 2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR, AND IT IS A HAPPY ONE!

Happy 2011 to all.  There is nothing like the start of a new year.  A clean slate.  This year is like no other however.  Andrew and Sabrina are engaged.  Andrew surprised Sabrina at Midnight on New Years Eve, first by arriving back in Las Vegas 2 days earlier that she suspected, and second, by proposing to her at the stroke of midnight.  I am the happiest mom on earth.  I am so please for both of them.  Andrew has found a beautiful, amazing, wonderful young woman and Sabrina has won the heart of a strong, authentic, funny and wise young man.  They seem to be a match made in heaven.  When I see the love in their eyes as they gaze at each other, it makes my heart so full. 

Andrew was so sweet to call me at 12:37 am this morning.  At a time when I thought the two of them would want privacy, they took time to call all of their family.  That was a delight.  I was honored to help him pick out the ring this week.  No easy task I will warn you.  Gone is the day when you can go to a jeweler and pick out a ring, have it sized and pick it up in a couple of days.  Now they want you to pick out a setting, pick out a diamond, at truly rip off prices and then wait.  Luckily we were able to find a family jeweler who worked with us in the few days we had and at a very reasonable price. It's a gorgeous ring.  It's just a magical time.
I can't wait to see it on Sabrina's finger.  God has blessed us all richly.
Happy New Year.