Inner Happiness

" If you can sit by yourself, doing nothing to distract yourself, needing no one, and still feel happy, then you have achieved inner happiness." Deepak Chopra

This summer I have been thinking a great deal about happiness. Having three months off all to myself has been an experience I will always treasure.  I have had a chance to heal my physical pain, rest, restore, celebrate family, create art, write and explore.  I have been very happy.  Yet some days joy has eluded me.  Lately I have been trying to explore what happiness, joy, or bliss, is.  How can I have so much, yet feel a void? How can I feel unfulfilled?

One reason is my chronic pain.  Sometimes pain and fatigue reduce me to nothing.  I put on a happy face, partly because no one wants to hear me complain and partly because putting on a smile does make me feel better.  But as I approach returning to work, I knew I had to come up with more than putting on a smile.  There must be a place of deep joy somewhere.  I have known it before.

Then two things happened.  I went back to physical therapy and a marvelous and talented young therapist, Kari Ell, manipulated my neck and spine to the point where I could once again stand up straight and my pain started to decrease and my fatigue lessened.  It was then I realized how much my pain was affecting my mood.  Joy started to surface.

The other is that I began exploring meditation as a mind body connection.  I have tried meditation, or rather, contemplation as a way of prayer before, never with much sustained effect.  Lately I kept asking God to help me. God seemed very distant.  Then I came across the works of Jon Kabot-Zinn and found some guided audio meditations online.  Simple to use, brief and easy to focus on, I began to fine peace in my soul.  This kind of peace is joy to me.  I used to chastise myself for not having a daily meditation practice.  I would like to do it daily but I find it hard to make the time.  But this week when I tried meditation again, I found the practice could sustain me for a couple of days.  I found God answering my plea.  It didn't come in words or an outright miracle.  Instead God led me to a place of silence, of breath. 

It used to be that if I needed to talk to God the most effective way for me to express myself and find clarity, was journaling.  But I am being led to a place without words. I am still putting up a bit of resistance, but I am allowing myself to be led. 

As for the quote by Deepak Chopra above, I am happy sitting by myself, but that is more a part of my introvertness, than it is of inner peace.  I am discovering a new place within myself that brings sustaining joy.  I am learning to live in my heart. 

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/7-New-Ways-to-Be-Happy/2#ixzz23pKZsAO7