Pity Parties

I am a firm believer in pity parties.  I don't throw them often.  Maybe 2-3 times a year.  But when I do, they are wild, fantastic blowouts.  I had one this week.  When my son and daughter-in-law left after 10 wonderful days, I was devastated.  It hit me so hard.  I returned from the airport after dropping them off and just couldn't shake my loss.  I knew it was time for a pity party.  I put on comfortable clothes, got in bed propped up with soft comfortable pillows and my cutie pie dogs nearby.  I wept and wept and didn't even bother aiming my tissues at the wastebasket. " Poor me, woe is me."  How will I get on with the two of them in NYC?  It seems an eternity away.  When I was cried out, (it only took about an hour), I was wore out.  I picked up my Kindle and started to read, and within minutes I was asleep. I slept for three hours.  It was a good sound sleep.  I decided I needed to wallow in pity for the rest of the day.  I got up and made a giant bowl of American Dream Cone (Ben and Jerry's) and ate it in bed. I read my email - in bed, I wrote one to my dearest friend telling her of my plight - in bed and I read some more - in bed, you get the idea.  I pouted, whined, pulled the covers up over my head.  Finally I showered, put my PJs on and went to bed.  Slept for 12 hours and awaken with new hope.

NYC couldn't really be that far.  I would just have to go see for myself sooner rather than later as I had planned.  Chris is still nearby and we have fun together. Just like the summer after Tom died and both boys went off to college, I knew I had choice.  I could still be miserable or I could create some happiness for myself.  I had my art, my work, my family, my lovely simplified home. It's time to start making some friends.  Get back into the swing of things.

That's the great thing about a big, all out pity party.  You get things out of your system, all the tears, the exhaustion, the hunger.  It's like taking care of HALT all in one day.  Hunger, Anger, Lonely, Tired.  And once those things are taken care of, hope floats to the surface.  It's like making it though a long dark night and seeing the first rays of sunlight.  A new day. 

The Perfect Place for a Pity Party

The key to a good pity party is to never chastise yourself for feeling bad, sad, lonely, angry, in pain. Just feel every feeling that surfaces.  Dig down deep for the ones that are buried.  Swim in it. Just don't beat yourself up for doing it.  Those feelings are all yours, let them out, let them free. 

Inner Happiness

" If you can sit by yourself, doing nothing to distract yourself, needing no one, and still feel happy, then you have achieved inner happiness." Deepak Chopra

This summer I have been thinking a great deal about happiness. Having three months off all to myself has been an experience I will always treasure.  I have had a chance to heal my physical pain, rest, restore, celebrate family, create art, write and explore.  I have been very happy.  Yet some days joy has eluded me.  Lately I have been trying to explore what happiness, joy, or bliss, is.  How can I have so much, yet feel a void? How can I feel unfulfilled?

One reason is my chronic pain.  Sometimes pain and fatigue reduce me to nothing.  I put on a happy face, partly because no one wants to hear me complain and partly because putting on a smile does make me feel better.  But as I approach returning to work, I knew I had to come up with more than putting on a smile.  There must be a place of deep joy somewhere.  I have known it before.

Then two things happened.  I went back to physical therapy and a marvelous and talented young therapist, Kari Ell, manipulated my neck and spine to the point where I could once again stand up straight and my pain started to decrease and my fatigue lessened.  It was then I realized how much my pain was affecting my mood.  Joy started to surface.

The other is that I began exploring meditation as a mind body connection.  I have tried meditation, or rather, contemplation as a way of prayer before, never with much sustained effect.  Lately I kept asking God to help me. God seemed very distant.  Then I came across the works of Jon Kabot-Zinn and found some guided audio meditations online.  Simple to use, brief and easy to focus on, I began to fine peace in my soul.  This kind of peace is joy to me.  I used to chastise myself for not having a daily meditation practice.  I would like to do it daily but I find it hard to make the time.  But this week when I tried meditation again, I found the practice could sustain me for a couple of days.  I found God answering my plea.  It didn't come in words or an outright miracle.  Instead God led me to a place of silence, of breath. 

It used to be that if I needed to talk to God the most effective way for me to express myself and find clarity, was journaling.  But I am being led to a place without words. I am still putting up a bit of resistance, but I am allowing myself to be led. 

As for the quote by Deepak Chopra above, I am happy sitting by myself, but that is more a part of my introvertness, than it is of inner peace.  I am discovering a new place within myself that brings sustaining joy.  I am learning to live in my heart. 

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/7-New-Ways-to-Be-Happy/2#ixzz23pKZsAO7

A Marvelous Time

What a joy to have family home.  The newlyweds were here for a week and Chris was home for two days.  What a delight to have everyone home, however brief.  Andrew cleaned a space in the backyard and planted some ground cover for me.  We crammed so much in to a week's time.  We went to VooDoo Comedy Club, Canvas and Cocktails, movies, lunches, Cherry Creek North, visited Nana and Papa and went swimming, had massages and talked and talked.  When Andrew and Sabrina left I had major weepiness.  But I snapped out of it in short order knowing I would see them soon.

Praise for Born Son

Last evening I was delighted to attend a performance of Born Son, the improv team of Asa Erlendson and Kent Wellborn at the Voodoo Comedy Playhouse, downtown Denver.  I had a great time watching Asa, whom I have know for nine years, perform his quick thinking, quick witted improvisational humor.  Asa has chosen to make a career out of comedy and is currently performing in clubs in Denver. 
Born son started the show by asking the audience for a word that described their year so far.  "Dreadful" was the first word called out and they began the skit with a man afraid of heights.  It was very funny.  For each subsequent skit, they had an audience member throw a ball at them when they wanted the team to change to a new subject.  The sketches went from teenagers trying to write a book but fighting over who was more awesome to young romantics going on a picnic.  Asa and Stu were quick to pick up on each others signals and nuances to create a funny story.  As with all improv, some of the flubs were the funniest part. 
Another part of the "Show Show" featured a female comedy team called "All of the Above".  They were very funny too.  They started with asking for an item two friends might talk about and "shoes" was called out.  Then they asked for an age, and each subsequent act came about with a new age group being shouted out.  I liked the duo very much and would enjoy seeing them again. 

I would definitely go to the Voodoo Comedy club again.  Their roster features and ever changing group of comedians and improv artists.  Keep an eye on Asa and Kent, I know they has a great future.  It felt good to laugh all evening!